If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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