I need help removing her.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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