Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
