"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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