Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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