He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
