lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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