So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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