You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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