why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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