Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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