let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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