Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
