My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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