Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
