The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tornado booty call.. dedication
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
