her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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