exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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