We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
