ya dads aren't the best wingmen
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
