i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize