we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize