I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
