I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
