Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
