found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
