I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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