I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
