I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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