I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
