Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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