apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
