Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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