he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize