Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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