Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am one with the molecules
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
