the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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