I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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