After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize