Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
