I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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