you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
