I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
