My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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