new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
