1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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