I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
