I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had to cum in my sink.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
