halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize