This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize