You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
