I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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