Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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