I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
