I'm going to jail i love you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize