I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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