OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
