no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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