she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
