I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
