Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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