She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize