i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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