He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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