I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
