Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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