her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
