She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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