I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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