Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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