You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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