i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
