life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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