do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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