Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
