did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
