Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He passed out mid-signature
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
